Comments on: their problem… or mine? http://www.familyvalues.katalyst.com.au/blog/2007/04/17/their-problem-or-mine/ because there's NO place like 'home' Wed, 08 Sep 2010 12:30:53 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.1.2 By: Natasha http://www.familyvalues.katalyst.com.au/blog/2007/04/17/their-problem-or-mine/#comment-6 Natasha Wed, 18 Apr 2007 03:36:12 +0000 http://www.familyvalues.katalyst.com.au/blog/2007/04/17/their-problem-or-mine/#comment-6 My partner and I are in a similar situation - already have one 7yo daughter (from previous hetero relationship) and desperately want another. Still at searching for donor stage (it's been about 18 months now) but have some good prospects. I can't imagine telling my parents, siblings and even straight friends before it's a fait accompli - I'm afraid that their reaction would be so full of negativism and prejudice. None of us need that right now. Yet you are right in saying that we hold on to the assumption that we don't fit and they just may be wonderful and supportive. But should we take that risk? It seems that the whole donor process is so full of risk and uncertainty that it's hard to expose ourselves to even more. I love the idea about the interactive community and documenting your experiences in the the blog - i'll be watching! My partner and I are in a similar situation - already have one 7yo daughter (from previous hetero relationship) and desperately want another. Still at searching for donor stage (it’s been about 18 months now) but have some good prospects.

I can’t imagine telling my parents, siblings and even straight friends before it’s a fait accompli - I’m afraid that their reaction would be so full of negativism and prejudice. None of us need that right now. Yet you are right in saying that we hold on to the assumption that we don’t fit and they just may be wonderful and supportive.

But should we take that risk? It seems that the whole donor process is so full of risk and uncertainty that it’s hard to expose ourselves to even more.

I love the idea about the interactive community and documenting your experiences in the the blog - i’ll be watching!

]]> By: John http://www.familyvalues.katalyst.com.au/blog/2007/04/17/their-problem-or-mine/#comment-7 John Wed, 18 Apr 2007 04:11:27 +0000 http://www.familyvalues.katalyst.com.au/blog/2007/04/17/their-problem-or-mine/#comment-7 From the otherside of the family equation it is always hard to be a donor. There is the occasional flash of radiant joy when you get together with your little "donation" and their mums or receive a photo or a comment about how they are maturing into their own sentient species and not remaining just a rainbow "Baby" or a "donation". It is also life affirmning to hear the happiness in the mums voices as they recount stories of your/their child. It is also heart warming to know that there are Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins who are enjoying your donation in a way that you have self excluded yourself from. From the otherside of the family equation it is always hard to be a donor. There is the occasional flash of radiant joy when you get together with your little “donation” and their mums or receive a photo or a comment about how they are maturing into their own sentient species and not remaining just a rainbow “Baby” or a “donation”. It is also life affirmning to hear the happiness in the mums voices as they recount stories of your/their child. It is also heart warming to know that there are Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins who are enjoying your donation in a way that you have self excluded yourself from.

]]> By: sonjavi http://www.familyvalues.katalyst.com.au/blog/2007/04/17/their-problem-or-mine/#comment-8 sonjavi Wed, 18 Apr 2007 09:38:07 +0000 http://www.familyvalues.katalyst.com.au/blog/2007/04/17/their-problem-or-mine/#comment-8 John and Natasha - thanks so much for your responses... I can't tell you how exciting it is to hear feedback from people who've been there! We have so much to learn from one another... and there are so many people in my life right now that would glean something from your perspectives... It seems to me that you guys have nailed insights from each end of the spectrum - it's the 'flash of radiant joy' and the 'fear of negativism and prejudice' that orientate us in our walk through life, no? John and Natasha - thanks so much for your responses… I can’t tell you how exciting it is to hear feedback from people who’ve been there!

We have so much to learn from one another… and there are so many people in my life right now that would glean something from your perspectives…

It seems to me that you guys have nailed insights from each end of the spectrum - it’s the ‘flash of radiant joy’ and the ‘fear of negativism and prejudice’ that orientate us in our walk through life, no?

]]> By: Damien http://www.familyvalues.katalyst.com.au/blog/2007/04/17/their-problem-or-mine/#comment-14 Damien Tue, 24 Apr 2007 09:21:01 +0000 http://www.familyvalues.katalyst.com.au/blog/2007/04/17/their-problem-or-mine/#comment-14 Have finally found a moment Sonja to catch up with the latest post and read your comments. Is wonderful that people are starting to read the blog and engage in your community building work. I was particularly heartened to see John's post and to hear of the experiences of other donors. In fact, i would more than welcome John contacting me via my website if he would consider at all talking with me in regards to participating in a research project i am putting together on the experiences of donors. Anyway, enough of commandeering the blog to promote my own interests! I think the problems with telling family are so complex - for me telling family about donoring means dealing with the multiple responses of people that often involve taking it as a sign to cross unspoken boundaries, or to coo over me 'becoming a dad' (as if i am not already!), or to ask a whole range of totally inappropriate questions. I know that things are particularly tricky with your family but i think it is important to also remember that many of our families are tricky when it comes to babies and reproduction and propriety etc. Heteronormativity functions in so many differing ways when it comes to families and parenting that sometimes it is tricky to put your finger on why something quite banal feels really intrusive... Anyway, look fwd to more posts! D X Have finally found a moment Sonja to catch up with the latest post and read your comments. Is wonderful that people are starting to read the blog and engage in your community building work. I was particularly heartened to see John’s post and to hear of the experiences of other donors. In fact, i would more than welcome John contacting me via my website if he would consider at all talking with me in regards to participating in a research project i am putting together on the experiences of donors.

Anyway, enough of commandeering the blog to promote my own interests! I think the problems with telling family are so complex - for me telling family about donoring means dealing with the multiple responses of people that often involve taking it as a sign to cross unspoken boundaries, or to coo over me ‘becoming a dad’ (as if i am not already!), or to ask a whole range of totally inappropriate questions. I know that things are particularly tricky with your family but i think it is important to also remember that many of our families are tricky when it comes to babies and reproduction and propriety etc. Heteronormativity functions in so many differing ways when it comes to families and parenting that sometimes it is tricky to put your finger on why something quite banal feels really intrusive…

Anyway, look fwd to more posts!

D X

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