omigod!
Thursday, February 21st, 2008
Apparently I’m pregnant!
Already so different to last time. After recovering from a bout of mild gastro (courtesy of Rosie) I was still tired and nauseous. And overdue. But I couldn’t do the test until I organised somebody to film it (thank god for K!)
Then, almost because we’re filming it and because I had to tell somebody other than the camera, it seems natural to tell Rosie and mum, all at once.
Rosie was beside herself with excitement (she’s planning to save her pocket money for a cot! WTF?) and Mum was bemused…
I hadn't quite thought through the inevitable reality that Rosie would tell absolutely EVERYBODY at school... I had a moment of panic thinking 'God! I'll have a lot of talking to do should this not last...' swept aside by Rosie's enthusiasm and my utter relief at finally being able to talk about it, finally...
Oodles of opportunities to out myself and lots of gleeful moments witnessing people's reactions.
The best was a school dad, delighted that I'd obviously found a new partner. When I explained about my old friend and sperm donor, he made a quick recovery: ‘Guess you don’t need us fellas anymore!’
I’m still processing my reaction. Is M not a fella because he’s gay? Am I some weird new species because I intend to raise a child without a ‘husband’… just as I have done as a single mum? ‘Yes!’ I hear him say ‘But that was an accidental failure of a (nice, normal) heterosexual relationship!’
As I reacquaint myself with the waves of anxiety that I remember from last time (what if I miscarry? what if the baby’s not healthy?) I’m also bathing in a sea of calm (hormones?) because there’s nothing I can do about anything…
There’s such gorgeous inevitability in pregnancy and birth, whereas the uncertainty around endless conception attempts was starting to wear me down… 
It still feels a bit surreal and I guess it will for a while (another 36 weeks?) but at least Mum’s starting to get her head into it. She’s announced that it really won’t do to house the baby in a walk-in-robe, even temporarily… and will I be getting rid of the water bed? I mentioned that I’d like to investigate the possibility of a home/hospital mid-wife and she took a deep disapproving breath.
Here the journey begins… new stages of relationships with mother, daughter, donor-dad… I can’t believe it! Bring it on!
