Family Values

Woke up in the middle of the night last night, as the baby kicks and lodges himself yet further into my pelvis, thinking… Omigod! I can’t go into labour yet… I haven’t done a blog update!

It seems I’ve been putting it off or placing it at the bottom of the list for the longest time now… and I wonder why? Today, I think I’ve worked it out… It’s about feeling like I have to be careful what I write… imagining all the possible reactions of every possible person, both those who know me well and those I’ve never met… What will they think? Will I unintentionally cause offence?

Otherwise known as self-censure… Today I’ve woken up feeling blessed… I’ve burnt my fears and I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore! I can’t control other people’s judgments and, in any case, all I have to offer is who I am…

I'm so lucky to have so many loved and precious people who've come along on the ride with R and me. And, finally, I trust them... They know me, warts and all, and they like me regardless! Which is a good thing - given they may soon witness some of my less-than-glorious qualities… being in intense pain and/or suffering from advanced sleep deprivation has a tendency to reveal even the most well-concealed cracks ; )

Anyway, enough with self-reflection! The main thing I wanted to express in this post is a heartfelt ‘thank-you’ to my fellow-travellers …alongside some thoughts on the power of rituals…

This baby should, by now, be feeling very wanted… very welcome to make his entrance… Not counting the many, many affirming conversations I’ve had about children, pregnancy and birth, there have been THREE separate celebrations in preparation - a semi-traditional ‘work girls’ baby shower; a combined birthday party/baby blessing for R and her ’sibling-to-be’; and a mother blessing…

Well, you may ask… isn’t that overkill? To which I respond, have you been to a wedding recently?

Whilst I myself find many of our western christian rituals around marriage fundamentally hollow and driven by consumerism, I respect our human desire to mark transitions in our lives with some pomp and ceremony. When else do we have opportunity to make deep connections with others and to really reflect upon the purpose of our existence here on earth?

For those of us without clearly defined culture or faith (and/or banished from mainstream institutions like marriage as punishment for our sexual preference or our choices to form alternate family structures)... there's nothing for it but to invent our own rituals!

R and I made bracelets for our fairy god parents (three hematite beads strung on thin wire - representing ‘past-present-future’ and ‘you-us-and our extended chosen family’. The FGP’s, in turn, offered up a symbolic bead for R, baby and I… we’ll all wear our bracelets and necklaces as I’m labouring to remind us of our connections to one another… maybe even to unify our psychic energy as a new spirit enters the world ; )

The mother blessing was even more intense and spiritual… very woman-centred and a source of great delight to R… combining crystals, candles, fresh flowers, feathers, tea ceremony and the burning of fears. Everything a 7 year old self-proclaimed Buddhist and Dragon-rider/Fairy-friend could wish for!

And for me? An opportunity to mark this fleeting moment in time… to let go (as I’ll need to in birthing) and surrender to the energy of the birth space (our sun-filled lounge-room) and birth companions (mother, daughter, donor, trusted friends - old and new). Some precious memories shared… and captured on film, inevitably ; )

And I do feel truly blessed… reading old diary entries recently I realised just how different it all is this time around… it hasn’t been easy getting here but so many of the lessons I’ve learned (painful as they were) have equipped me with the strength to trust, the courage to be vulnerable… the optimism to walk this path again, knowing that the adventure this time will be so different, in many ways, all new…

I hope to update the blog a little more frequently than the two or three times I’ve managed in the last 10 months (shame, shame!!) but for those of you who are travelling with me here, I thank you too… sometimes a response from a friend or stranger is just the thing to help lift one’s eyes from the cobblestones… allowing contemplation of the sometimes strange and foreign lands through which we are all walking on our fundamentally solitary journeys!